TOP TEN MOST WANTED
The Top Ten reasons why men and women end up losing their marriage and begin a downward spiral toward divorce should be the main concern and focus of anyone trying to save their marriage. If the majority of boats that navigate certain waters suffer shipwreck and sink for the very same reasons, then those who follow suit should be cautious to take inventory and be twice as careful, making sure to pay close attention in order not to suffer the same result. For this reason, we have listed ten (10) specific high risk areas that commonly affect men and women in marriage, as well as posting several resources and experts that address each area.
Many men and women will blame financial trouble as the main source and cause of their marital woes. The management of money is nothing more than the measure and expressions of a person's character. If we do not learn how to manage and steward our money we could never manage and steward our marriage relationship. Instead of throwing in the towel on the marriage, a couple should first commit to getting help and improving the management and stewardship of their resources.
Many times a man or woman will point at infidelity as their reason for getting a divorce, but unfaithfulness is only a symptom of a deeper and greater problem. When there is infidelity in a marriage, the couple should acknowledge and address the root cause. To react improperly can exasperate the situation and create a far worse situation ultimately causing the man and woman towards the proverbial throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Men and women will say, "we are entirely different from each other" and often use this as reason for filing their divorce. What they truly fail to realize is that difference is the blessing that makes a marriage successful. Each person has totally different talents, approaches and dispositions, creating a greater opportunity to overcome and address the various aspects of life's hardships and challenges. Therefore, differences become something we should celebrate and enjoy.
"Hurt people, hurt people" is an old saying that explains the issue of abuse. Abuse should never be permitted in marriage by either party. Research shows that abuse is dangerous and always increases worse to more and more injury because abuse is often unreported and much of the abuse continues unnoticed to outsiders until serious injury results. Reporting and exposing any form of abuse is a necessary step to stop further damage and begin the process toward the start of hope and healing.
Our thoughts eventually become our words, that become our acts, that become our habits, that become our character, that determine how we treat others. Unresolved childhood conflicts become deep seeded character issues that may most often cause profound hurt to those we love the most. Defects in character become the most difficult issues to deal with in marriage because they are re-occurring. Learning that character can be changed will be the secret to the marriage success. Excellence in character is a secret that precedes success in every area of human existence; especially in the marriage union.
Intimacy & Sexual Issues
Issues of sexual intimacy can become a serious problem for many couples affecting the marriage relationship. Both men and women must be able to achieve total honesty and transparency to heal in this area. Secrecy and dishonesty can produce distancing of one another causing greater problems. Being accepted in a naked and unashamed setting becomes the perfect goal. Couples who walk in rejection and covertly ashamed will be less likely to enjoy one another in the marital bed.
In-Laws & Out-Laws
Two is better than one, and three is a crowd that can destroy any marriage. Those who are unable to say good-bye to previous familial relationships along with their single-life will eventually suffer inability to properly connect with their marriage partner. You cannot serve two masters; eventually you will love one and hate the other. Therefore, those who fail to successfully leave their childhood in the past will find themselves unable to successfully enter their adulthood in the future. For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one. Those who refuse to place priority and absolute allegiance to their marriage spouse will divide their home to their own destruction.
The art of "cultivation" is the distinguishing mark of a successful marriage. Those who understand the laws of nature, "sowing and reaping," will ultimately prevail. Knowing that sowing good seeds will eventually produce a good harvest will be the difference between those who enjoy good fruit and those who experience the suffering of painful thorns. Those who refuse to cultivate must cease to walk in the opposite sentiment which is neglect. Neglect kills every garden.
Lack Of Interest
The sense of boredom, loss of attraction or emotional withdrawal is experienced by those who have allowed their marriage to grow stale. When a marriage becomes predictable and monotonous, one member of the couple may want out. Whether its the "mid-life crisis" or plainly wanting to check out, being selfish and self-centered creates a difficult situation in any marriage. Caring for the interest and serving the needs of others will heal this marital dysfunction. It is when we are serving our own interests that this sentiment creeps in and is most often held by those with a self-seeking mind set. So, get away for a weekend retreat and try new opportunities to share with other couples.
Fantasy & Unrealistic Expectations
Those who are unable to ground their thoughts in mature reality will always hold on to unrealistic fantasies and become filled with false expectations. Those who pursue fairy-tale fantasy or dabble into any kind of unfair, unreasonable expectations and requirements for their husband or wife to constantly venture into a performance-driven relationship, need to be aware that this becomes an awful snare and thus destroys the best and closest relationships. We need to love people for who they are and not for who we wish they would become. History has shown that those who lack the character of contentment will never be able to enjoy what they have nor the gift of who they share life with. Requiring more and more may result in less and less, as no one is entirely 100% equipped with perfection. The art of thankfulness can often get rid of the lack of conformity and unrealistic continual expectation and fanciful thinking. Being thankful for the gift of your spouse is better than not knowing and realizing what you have until it is gone.